So now I'm raising...a writer?

When the phone rang this morning, I rolled my eyes. "It's him," I said to The Mister. "Who else?"

Sure enough. "Mom!" His voice was urgent. "I need you to edit my essay before second period."

Sighing, I poked the "on" button to start more coffee and trudged upstairs to edit his latest essay before second period began. Opening the document, I scanned it...and started to laugh. What in the world??

I'm doing something different today. My son, the infamous "Boy Two," the Instigator of Most Pranks, the Source of the Shouting, the Prolific Pounder of the Brethren, is guest posting today. He just doesn't know it.

And now for the fine print:  The information presented below does not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Writer (his mother). It's the second part of a pro/con assignment. In it, he presents the "con" side. The reasoning may not be stellar or scientific, but it's certainly entertaining. I hope you'll enjoy it.

Jamison Schrock
Environmental Science
Period 2
Hybrid Cars Con Essay

                             It’s About as Useless as a Screen Door on a Submarine

You will be scorned. You will be persecuted. You will be rejected. Society will shun you and all because…you drive a hybrid car. It’s basic truth. Well, maybe not to that extent but you get the idea. I mean, let’s face it. I sure won’t be caught in a hybrid. What normal testosterone-pumped male would be? I may as well go out on a date in my mom’s mini-van and a cheesy turtleneck, and is that going to happen? No. That is crazy talk and I should be slapped and have my mouth washed out with soap for even asking it. But that raises the question. Who would buy a hybrid car? A concerned citizen trying to make their mark on the world, an ignorant outcast of society, a desperate fool at the end of his rope, who knows? Not me. But the following reasons why you shouldn’t may help you find out.

The first reason we come to is maintenance, ugh. The bane of every esteemed driver. Hybrid cars have many more moving parts than your typical car. This makes them much more expensive to fix. You also have to jump through hoops of fire to get them fixed, since your average mechanic cannot fix them.

The second reason is that they are a short term fix. You hear people shouting all the time about how they use less fossil fuels but, if I may, I’d like to point out one little ol’ detail for you. They’re still using fossil fuels. But it doesn’t seem to matter, cause when Dr. Science enters the picture, every one screams they’re the answer. Shhhhhh, don’t tell anyone.

My third and final reason is because of the cost. Yeah, that’s right, the moolah, the gravy, the green grease, the dough, the money. It’s a big one. The almighty dollar has great sway in our lives, and this is no exception. The production of batteries costs much more than just paying up front for more gas with your conventional gas guzzler. This raises the initial price of the car astronomically, not to mention its replacement.

So who would buy a hybrid car? An employee at an insane asylum maybe? Who knows? Not me. But maybe you can make an educated guess from the above reasons of it being a short-term fix, maintenance, and cost. I certainly hope that I’ve helped shed some light on the side of a controversy that is usually shrouded in darkness. Peace, my brothers!

Do you think he might be a writer?